The reason I started this blog back in 2010..
It was autumn, a bit chilly, but the sun was still shining. I had left my hometown where I had lived my whole life. Not until we moved away I understood, I never belonged there. That town hated me, and they did everything they could to show it. I had started a new school in a city where everyone's welcome, it doesn't matter what color your skin is.
The new school was nice.
I was really hurt at that time by what I had been through, but I was confident that I was gonna forget all about it!
A guy came along. He acted nice. He wasn't. He was one year older than me, at least that's what he told me..
I just wanted a friend. He turned our relationship into something else, something I didn't want. He kept nagging about us being sexual together. I didn't want that. One day he came home to me (to my house in my hometown, thank god I don't live there anymore) we were just going to hang out, play some video games. We started making out. I thought that that was okay, but nothing more. He kept saying he wanted to have intercourse. Ofcourse I refused, I didn't even know him that well and my parents were home and I was just 13 years old at that time.
Then he said that he wanted me to do oral intercourse on him. If not, he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was young, stupid, afraid, lonely. To cut the story short, I did do that. I fighted to hold back my tears while I did it.
Then he went home. I never saw him again. I'm glad I never saw him again and hope I never will.
I started feeling really bad after that. Really, really bad. I started to slice up my arms. I'm glad that the scars are gone, and you can't see the scars unless you look really close or if I tell you.
For more than a year, I thought I had HIV/AIDS. I knew he had a sexually active life and he was bisexual. He could carry horrible diseases without telling me. I never managed to get myself checked. I was afraid. Til' a couple of months ago I got myself tested. I've never been so frightened before. I was shaking while walking towards the test results. Praise god and thank jesus, buddha or whoever is up there! I did/do not have HIV/AIDS! :D I was so happy and relieved. It felt like a big pile of crap had been lifted of my shoulders. It was so nice to feel that feeling of relief.
I knew then that I was ready to start my life again, or to continue it. I am a strong, independent young woman now (but I think I still need My momma and papa :/) I am happy now, and that's all that matters, right?
''If you're not happy, find a way to fix it.''
The new school was nice.
I was really hurt at that time by what I had been through, but I was confident that I was gonna forget all about it!
A guy came along. He acted nice. He wasn't. He was one year older than me, at least that's what he told me..
I just wanted a friend. He turned our relationship into something else, something I didn't want. He kept nagging about us being sexual together. I didn't want that. One day he came home to me (to my house in my hometown, thank god I don't live there anymore) we were just going to hang out, play some video games. We started making out. I thought that that was okay, but nothing more. He kept saying he wanted to have intercourse. Ofcourse I refused, I didn't even know him that well and my parents were home and I was just 13 years old at that time.
Then he said that he wanted me to do oral intercourse on him. If not, he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was young, stupid, afraid, lonely. To cut the story short, I did do that. I fighted to hold back my tears while I did it.
Then he went home. I never saw him again. I'm glad I never saw him again and hope I never will.
I started feeling really bad after that. Really, really bad. I started to slice up my arms. I'm glad that the scars are gone, and you can't see the scars unless you look really close or if I tell you.
For more than a year, I thought I had HIV/AIDS. I knew he had a sexually active life and he was bisexual. He could carry horrible diseases without telling me. I never managed to get myself checked. I was afraid. Til' a couple of months ago I got myself tested. I've never been so frightened before. I was shaking while walking towards the test results. Praise god and thank jesus, buddha or whoever is up there! I did/do not have HIV/AIDS! :D I was so happy and relieved. It felt like a big pile of crap had been lifted of my shoulders. It was so nice to feel that feeling of relief.
I knew then that I was ready to start my life again, or to continue it. I am a strong, independent young woman now (but I think I still need My momma and papa :/) I am happy now, and that's all that matters, right?
''If you're not happy, find a way to fix it.''
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