argvarg

This is my final post in this blog. I have been through a lot. I've been posting about how I've felt for about 2 1/2 years. It's interesting, how far I've come. I have done so much thinking, reflecting over my decisions, actions and feelings. I've been through a lot of sad things, and I've come to a conclusion, it's been way more sadder than it really had to be, because I've been so lonely. I've been so lonely.
But for the first time in My life I can honestly say, even if I'm extremely tired of school, I am happy.
I'm happy I broke up with Tom. I've made so many friends, I have made best friends because we split up.
I think that we weren't meant to be. I just had to meet him to be able to be where I am right now.
And I greatly hope that my best friends will still be in my life a couple of years from now.
There so much sadness in this blog, I associate this blog with sadness.
That's why I'm letting go of it. I probably won't remove it. We'll see.
I am really happy, my heart is exploading with joy.
So, with that, Goodbye and Good Luck. :)

Detta är mitt sista inlägg i den här bloggen. Jag har gått igenom mycket. Jag har bloggat om mina känslor i ungefär 2 1/2 år. Det är intressant, hur långt jag kommit. Jag har tänkt väldigt mycket, reklekterat över mina val, handlingar och känslor. Jag har gått igenom många sorgliga saker, och jag har kommit till en slutsats, det har varit mycket mer sorgset än det egentligen hade behövt vara, för att jag har varit så ensam. Jag har varit så ensam.
Men för första gången i Mitt liv kan jag ärligt säga, även om jag är extremt skoltrött, är jag glad.
Jag är glad att det tog slut mellan mig och Tom. Jag har fått så många vänner, Jag har fått bästa vänner för att vi gjorde slut. 
Jag tror inte att vi var menade för varann. Jag bara behövde träffa honom för att kunna vara var jag är just nu.
Det finns så mycket sorg i den här bloggen, jag associerar den här bloggen med sorg.
Det är därför jag släpper taget om den.  Jag kommer förmodligen inte ta bort den. Vi får se.
Jag är verkligen glad, mitt hjärta exploderar av lycka.
Så, med det, Farväl och Lycka Till. :)

I, Rebecca, deserve so much more than this. I'm not going to let myself shrink to something so small, to someone who doesn't respect themselves. I need to start to love myself more. From now on, it's about me, it's about making me feel comfortable in myself and feeling truly happy.
Spending time with people whom make me happy. We all deserve to be happy.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
No more. I deserve so much more. And I'm going to get it someday.
What matters now is me being happy.

I'm gonna be happy. :)

I'm ready. Let's start moving the fuck on!

I guess it's over

I miss him. A little too much, a little too often, and a little more everyday.
I can't quite express how much I wish to hear his voice.

I like to sleep. I've always liked it. But recently, I've liked it even more. Because I dream about you. I had a nap earlier today. I had the most amazing time in my dream, it sounds kinda funny maybe, but it was so wonderful.
I dreamt I met you for the first time, a dream has never ever in my life felt so real. I could feel my heart pounding, I started to cry, and I placed my hand over my mouth. All this happend in my dream and in reality, I noticed when I woke up. His reaction was quite charming, he just ran towards me and I jumped up to him and held him close, and he held me close. I don't know for how long I dreamt of being in his embrace, but it felt like a long time, but not enough. It was great.

Then someting very odd but still beautiful happend. I dreamt of us holding each others hands, just floating in the air trough a city with bright lights and I've never felt so alive in a dream before. I had such a ball with him, I woke myself up by laughing. It has never happend before.
It's nice to have some happy dreams. I usually only have nightmares.

I like to sleep. It's the only way of seeing you

I've been writing a lot lately. I've had no one to talk to. I don't really want to talk to anyone about this. It hurts. My chest is breaking. This is why I don't want to get attached to people. I want more friends, but I'm just not feeling well enough to try and get more friends. I hope things changes. It's ridiculous really.

The best is yet to come

My heart lingers on that sentence

Climb up a mountain, just to watch it come down
But sooner or later babe, you're gonna need me around
Cause you're getting older, there ain't no stopping that
It's a backstabbing world honey, just lean your head back

The fool in me
It's like a dream, you see
But if the world is right
I'll drive all night
And meet you there someday

Six in the morning, never felt so sweet
Just put on Lucinda baby, and dance with me
I know I'm hard to count on
Forget half what I'm told
You probably only know my voice from
A goddamn microphone

It's a waste
A teenage taste of me
But if daddy cries
Just say goodnight
And I'll come
If I could change
I'd keep away the rain
And the sun would shine every night
And I'll come, meet you there someday...

Meet you there someday
Meet you there someday
Meet you there someday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I know the difference, he's a realist, I'm an optimist.

We're too far away, huh? Maybe distance means so little when someone means so much. But in the long run I guess it's just.. not emotionally possible. "Forget about me, you'll find someone else in no time." There's so much stupidity in that sentence. I don't want to forget about you, I don't want to find someone else. I can't find someone else. You found me. Love found me. I like you. A lot. And I've learned along the way that if someone comes into your life and changes it for the better, then you should never let go of them. And also that some people come into your life as blessings, others as lessons. You're not a lesson, you're a blessing.

This emotion inside of me, isn't lust. This emotion, as cliché as it sounds, I have never experienced it before.
This love, I will leave my loved ones for, I will cross the ocean for.

The best is yet to come.

I found love. I won't let anything stand in my way. I will do everything in my power to get to you, to show you.
Just hold on darling, I'm coming. You're simply too rare to just throw away, to forget about.
I'll find you and make you mine.

Afterwards. Not until afterwards have i realised. I have, since i last posted simething, till now, really thought and looked trough my whole life. thinking, analysing, remembering. i don't know what love is. i dont. but i dont have the strength and time to write down it all. i was hurt. i was so, so, so hurt. hurt is all i've known. for once, i think, i actually believe and know, something big is about to happen. i dont know what love is. i really really dont know the feeling. the actual feeling. i only know the feeling of fancying someone. but something strange and unfamiliar is happening to me.. there's a way about him

Snart jullov. Snart min födelsedag. Snart julafton. Sen ett nytt år, nya tag. Jag har så mycket att se fram emot i mitt liv, jag har så mycket att planera. Jag mår dock inte bra just nu, men vafan har jag för rätt att må dåligt när det finns folk i världen som vet att de snart kommer att dö. Mitt hjärta sjunker till botten. Varför ska jag få leva, men inte han? Vad har han gjort för fel för att förtjäna detta? Inget.

Det är en sak att dö utan att man vet att man ska det, som att bli påskörd, och att veta att man bara har ett par månader kvar att leva. Det är så fruktansvärt hemskt.

Har ni tänkt på att, när man läser i tidningen eller på internet att någon har dött, hur resten av världen fortsätter att röra på sig. Det känns orättvist på nått sätt, en person som inte får uppleva det världen har att ge, och världen fortsätter, som om personen aldrig har existerat, man glömmer bort personen. Det måste den ju i för sig, men det är lite sorgligt.

Now I may not know you, but one thing is for sure. I will think about you, and every other child who was consumed by Cancer for the rest of my life. I will never forget you. Throughout life, I'll cherish everything, the small things as well as the bigger things. I'll tell my kids about you, I'll tell everyone I meet about you, so that everyone will know about this, and so everyone can work together to put an end to Cancer, so that no more children will have to suffer. No one has ever touched my heart as much as you. You're so beautiful, and your soul is made of pure gold.
I hope you get to spend as much time as you possibly can with your friends and family. I wish you nothing but love and luck. You're so precious.

Zach Sobiech - Clouds